dear Target,

man, what’s the deal? i just wanted another pair of fleecy pj’s–like the kind my mom got me for christmas. maybe a pair of slippers for my drafty townhouse. i don’t know. i knew that in your store full of beautifully designed things, i would find what i needed. but no, not this time. i walk in to see pink floral patterns, open toed shoes and cotton PJ’s. just when i thought it couldn’t get any worse, i turned the corner, all of my illusions were shattered. the whole teenybopper section was filled with–gasp–bikinis!

Target, we used to be such good friends. you could read my mind. you even knew what i needed before I did. but you’ve really missed the mark here. It’s really really cold outside. I need a new hat and gloves and you want to sell me a bikini and some new shades. Please tell corporate in Minnesota to check the thermometer. save the short shorts for march. yeesh.