Archives for the month of: April, 2009

i came to the realization very recently that i currently have everything i want:

  • a sweet job, better, a sweet job i haven’t started yet and is therefore perfect.  this sweet job pays well, is close, and will offer group health insurance, making my life significantly easier
  • my health.  i feel pretty good and normal these days.  a little tired, yes, and recovering from surgery still, but my brain is working well and i feel like i’m on my way up.
  • a fabulous boyfriend.  not just a boyfriend, a fabulous one.  really.
  • time to rest.  i have about 2 weeks before my job starts to live a leisurely life.  i’ll go home and visit my fam, get my car repaired, work on acquiring a professional wardrobe, get more medical tests done.  it’s great.

and yet, for all of this, i’m still feeling…restless?  anxious?  not quite sure.  just a vague stirring that won’t let me rest and enjoy it all.  maybe it’s fear of failure or that i’ll lose it all.  maybe it’s guilt that i’m on a roll.  who knows.  it’s strange, though.  it’s also strange that i’m confessing through this odd impersonal medium.  i guess i thought the weird longing and ache would go away when everything was right, but it hasn’t.


dear friends,

it’s been a while, eh?  i haven’t wanted to post because i’ve been down a lot lately, discouraged about job, health, my car, finances, the future.  you name it, i’ve been down (except for my wonderful group of friends–that’s remained unchanged).  anyway, the last week was amazingly dramatic!

1) gall bladder surgery.  yes, friends, the “crazy stabbing chest pain” i’ve had all fall, winter and spring really turns out to be gallstones.  special ones.  one in my gall bladder itself, one huge long calcification in my common bile duct, and another stone in the duct that goes between the liver and the small intestine.  and just for kicks, i’ve got 3 ulcers in my small intestines.  at least i wasn’t making it up.  so, i spent a few hours in the ER and a few days in the hospital, mostly not eating or drinking.  it was a little rough, but i am now gallstone pain free and glad to be rid of the awful problem.  i’m slowly recovering, able to sit up quicker each day.  the ER visit was preceded by 24 hour pain that didn’t allow me to sleep or eat.  i hope this is done.

2) a job.  yes, friends, i got a job.  it was great.  i was writhing around on the floor on wednesday when i got a call saying the offer letter was pending approval, then i was in the ER when i was told the offer letter was sent out.  such comic timing.  i think it allowed me to rest more in the hospital knowing that i wasn’t burning valuable jobsearch time.  it’s really exciting.  it’s with a huge, reputable consulting firm here in DC and i’ll be a designer and maybe a writer, too.  i’m excited about it, but stressed about acquiring a truly professional business formal wardrobe.  eek.

3) my mom flew out for the surgery, then flew back.  it was great to have her there an hour before surgery to hold my hand and pray for me, then she left shortly after i came home from the hospital.

4) i’m not going to columbia u for neurocognitive testing. i’ll try to get an MRI here.  maybe i’ll wait til my new insurance kicks in?

5) my friends came to me for easter.  kristen made a delicious feast and we had a lovely afternoon.  i missed all of holy week services, though.

6) my friends rallied around me the whole time i was in the hospital.  j took me in and stayed late to watch movies, k handled logistics, tons of other people filtered in and out with flowers, prayers, well-wishes–and when i got home–groceries!  i’m so grateful.  i don’t really remember who was there when because i was doped up, but i felt really loved being surrounded.  i have such a great community here!

crazy.  my dramatic story continues.  i’ve enjoyed trying to figure out what God has been up to with all of it.  why the double layoffs?  why the trip planned to NY that would be cancelled?  why the terrible chest pain this week of all weeks?  and, of course, why the job offer while in the ER?  i don’t know.  i think God is just really dramatic.  thanks for reading, friends.