warning: this post is emo, sappy, tear-jerky, maybe even melodramatic? read at your own risk.

last night i met a dear friend for a day of celebration, tea, picture-taking, laughter, prayer and tears. we said goodbye for two years or so as she plans to move to eastern europe. i got choked up sooner than her and said, “we’re both pros at goodbyes…” it’s true. she’s lived most of her life with her family and friends spread across countries. she’s said goodbye a million times. i’ve had a much more stable life geographically, but had to say goodbye to my brother when he was killed in a car accident and to my sister when she lived in the middle east for nearly 4 years.

as i drove home from our lovely day together, my windshield wipers and eyelids worked to the same end and i listened to music she’d given me. one album was aradhna, the other share the well–both layered with meaning and memories as they explore God’s work all over the world, especially in India (a culture we both share great affection for)

One of my goals in life is to grieve all my losses, so i chose not to call friends on my drive, but instead to spend time reflecting and allowing myself to be sad. as i listened, i thought of the future and life without closeness with this dear friend. our friendship will continue, probably for life, but this next season will look different than the last. i remembered the good times: laughing in our dorm, cooking pasta and curry, praying for our friends and the Kingdom to come, painting fruit and portraits and european streets with palette knives, eating fiesta lime chicken, applying eyeliner, dancing. i thought, too, of my other goodbyes, especially to my brother whose death was 7 years ago this week. the sadness welled up into my eyes but it wasn’t long before the music had overwhelmed me with hope. i realized: i’ve been here before. sad, uncertain of what’s next. but every time, God comes through. i recognize the dark valley and I know Jesus will be with me. the last few years have been full of joys and sorrows and the last few months have been packed with more drama than I could have anticipated. I know that life will probably not be boring anytime soon. I still worry about the future, but not in the same way I used to. I know God will be faithful to me. He won’t do what I want, but He’ll be good and faithful and tender and surprise me with comic timing. I’m glad to be here and I’m looking forward to the road ahead.

T, I’ll miss you metric tonnes, but I know that the God who holds together the universe holds us both and will be faithful in the future like He has been in the past. Thanks for helping me see my life in the context of the greater story and for loving me in my brokenness.

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